Break Downs

These days, my life seems to be about breaking down and repairing. And building, improving, creating, growing, and paying attention.

And with very little emotional drama.

My days usually start in grateful acknowledgement. This isn’t something I consciously do; it just happens. I sit a few minutes on my deck (either after or with my coffee, of course) being fully present: I feel the breeze on my face and body while listening to the symphony of birds. I had birds outside my window in NYC, but compared to these, they were more like solos and duets. This is the entire orchestra. I notice that I have a smile on my face. I feel grateful to be where I am and doing what I’m doing.

But back to breaking down and repairing. A few days ago, I returned to the surgeon who is doing a dental implant for me. Since I’m forced to do this from a fractured root that happened back last fall, I am doing some elective dental work that will enable me to have a brighter smile (more than just whitening – replacing crowns, etc.) This morning I was at the eye doctor picking out new glasses to replace the once I broke a few weeks ago. I asked him whether lifting my rather heavy lidded eyes might improve my area of vision. I have an appointment with another surgeon to pursue that (I have vision insurance for the first time in my life – it might pay). A few days earlier my car broke down – right in front of my house. Even though I had to have it towed to the garage the following day, at least I wasn’t stranded in parts unknown. Since I don’t have family here, and am just in the process of building friendships, I wouldn’t have anyone that I would be totally comfortable in calling just yet. I have a USB port on my computer that is broken. This requires I be without my computer a minimum of 5 days – possibly much longer. It is however, under warranty. I broke a gold chain and took that in for repair today.

These are some examples of the little things that keep going awry in my life. Little things that break down and require my attention. This happens in life all the time but right now there seems to be an abundance of little challenges. And some big challenges. As most of you know, I should be closing on my apartment by the end of the month. I’ve been organizing my trip back to NYC and the actual move. Initially I was concerned about how I could organize this from a distance – first even getting the names of reputable movers, getting someone to meet them a the apartment to get estimates, and then actually trusting that they would show up on the date they are suppose to. I have heard some real horror stories from others lately about their experiences in moving. I wasn’t looking forward to that.

What actually has happened is that my son has come through for me. I had offered to bring him up, knowing how much he enjoys NYC too, for moral support. And, as much as I hate to have to say this, it doesn’t hurt to have a man around. As it turns out, he is bringing his girlfriend and has a friend who will be in NYC at the same time who is willing to help. So now, I have my crew. We will do it ourselves and I am relieved of the worries of dealing with a long distance moving company. And, the best part is, that we all get time together in The Big Apple.

I admit that I am experiencing some emotional attachment to leaving New York City. I was there for 11 years, but right now it seems only like a blink of the eye. Although I am a journal writer and have been for 20+ years, I’m not sure about organized my record keeping has been of my experiences there. I am very glad that I have started documenting this phase of my life, considering that my memory is only going to get worse, not better.

The morning is getting late and I must get busy. I hope all is well with you and look forward to hearing from you. I have more news to share, but it will have to wait until the next time I am inspired to write.